Friday, September 10, 2010

scratchin' makes it worse...

So we have a cistern tank. It was a really affordable & environmentally safe route instead of drilling a well. (Who are we kidding, it was TONS cheaper and that's the reason we did it)
But, for reals, it is much more environmentally friendly. When you know that you have to fill a tank up with water you really watch how much you use.

But I also have sensitive skin. Skin that doesn't adjust well to water change. So the other day when the skin on my pits (yeah..i mean armpits) started to peel, I thought to myself, "hrm...this is weird". And then I proceeded to sit in this position on the couch and try and peel it off while Andrew looked at me like, "so this is the girl I am going to marry".

Well, then the other morning at work, I found a patch of poison ivy on my ankle. This is not related to the water, but is to the story. So I sat at my desk resisting the urge to scratch my ankle to the bone until it bled and scabbed over and created new, non-poison ivy skin.

Then, something started happening. My head started itching. Like, burning itching all over the back of it. I sat and poked at it with a pencil for awhile until it became too much.
And then it clicked. I bet it's lice. I KNOW it's lice. I've never had lice before but this has to be what it feels like. Oh my god I can feel them running around my scalp having a party in my dirty hair!
So, I did what anyone does when they are in trouble. I went to see the school nurse. (good thing i work in a school)

I went in, closed the door and confessed.

"I have poison ivy on my ankle and I think I have lice in my head."

She gave me the comb through and I sat in the chair waiting for her to say, "yes. Valerie. You are dirty and have lice. Leave my office immediately, trailer trash girl"

But all she commented on was my dry scalp.

I had Andrew give me a check last night and yup, the diagnosis is in: DRY SCALP SYNDROME.

So, there is my story. I have peeling pits, itchy ankles and a dry scalp.

I am irresistible right now. Simply irresistible.


Molly Harper said...

Hahahahaha you just had me laughing out loud. Especially at the self made portraits! The couch drawing = amazing. Thanks for the laugh, Val!

Amber said...

i just laughed so hard at your lice illustration.

PJH said...

OMG, you are too much! I need to see this in person!

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