Cheerios

This week was in one word..

wildcrazyohmygodwasitevergoingtoend.

I think I need a list to get started.

1. My mom is in town. I came home to a kitchen filled with gravy smothered pork chops last night. Heaven. Can she just come move in? Please?

2. It was cold as balls here all week. I've never understood that phrase....but it was darn cold.

3. I maybe got the tub of Neapolitan ice cream out the other night and ate half of it. Then I woke up the next morning at 5 am tenderly hugging the toilet. Why do I do this to myself? Just face it girl, you can't eat dairy.

4. My mom is going to see me in my wedding dress for the first time tomorrow morning! AHH!! yay!

5. I am now, Coach McQueen. The Varsity cheerleading coach at school had a leave of absence, and when my boss came in worried about how to fill the position for the next 5 weeks---I just couldn't contain myself.

"I WAS CAPTAIN OF MY CHEERLEADING SQUAD AND CHEERED ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. I'LL DO IT!"

It just came out. I couldn't stop the words coming from my mouth. So now, I am working with a lovely group of 13 High School students.

It's pretty cool. I'll keep you updated. It should be a wild ride for the next 5 weeks.

And of course, I am channeling Sue Sylvester. I am waiting for UPS to deliver my track suit any day now.

Happy Friday Folks!

conciousness and creativity

I've been wanting to write a post on this topic for awhile, so thanks Patti for once again inspiring through sharing.

This morning Patti posted an article by director David Lynch about meditation. Meditation is something that I have been working on for a little over a year now. And I will be the first to admit that it is something that I struggle with, daily.

My big hurdle? It's not quieting the voices (crazy train....) but it's the initiative to JUST DO IT. I always think there is something more pressing to do....which couldn't be further from the truth. It used to scare me to try and quiet my mind, deal with the "voices" but lately it has just been the inspiration to follow through on the act.

Or I think that I have to have super buddah powers and mediate for 2 hours each day.

What I loved about this article is that David brought mediating back down to reality for me. It's 15 minutes here in the morning...or 20 minutes during lunch break....or right before bed to still the thoughts. It is DO-ABLE. And I love the connection he makes to creativity.

I came to believing in the power of meditation a year or so ago. I've always been a nervous person....I can remember being paralyzed with stage fright when I was in high school. My brain always seemed to be going at full speed. After a few tough years in college and post college--I gave western medication a chance. It lasted about 4 months and helped through a very difficult situation in life but there was always a gut feeling telling myself that this was not the answer.

It seems like I have been on a journey ever since trying to heal. When my problems with GERD flared up again after moving to the Valley I finally said, enough is enough and I took action. Sometimes I have to step back and thank my little GERD friend. My body was telling me something was very wrong, and I am glad that I finally listened.

After a few phone calls with very close friends & family in the healing/spiritual world I set my course of action. Meditation, Diet, Exercise, & Acupuncture. That was my new prescription.

I meditated each day for a few minutes, followed a gluten free/sugar free/caffeine free diet for 6 weeks, exercised (I prefer pilates) and I started acupuncture treatments.

All I can say is that I went from thinking my life would be full of prescription meds, slight panic attacks & hugging the toilet at least 3 times each month to being able to control almost all of my symptoms--both physical and mental. Maybe one day I will dive into the specifics of my regimen...if anyone is even interested but I can tell you that no one thing is going to work. Everything is a balance and you cannot achieve your health goal without say...eating healthy. Or exercising. They all work hand in hand. Acupuncture will not make everything "go away". It opens up your energy fields..and paired with diet, exercise and a healthy mind, I 100% believe in its power.

So those are my thoughts for the day (wrap it up...its 11:15 a.m. and I am done!). I only speak from my experience and I fell off of the path MANY a time but this article and video reinvigorated me this morning to stop making excuses for mediating. I want this to be a part of my life, everyday. (& it would probably help things out if I stopped purchasing double stuffed oreos, darn.)

ps. you can also follow my soul sisters journey in healing, here. Her writing has become a daily inspiration for me. She will make you want to stare straight in the mirror and scream "I AM BEAUTIFUL!"

Learning how to breathe again

I have had an epiphany. And I definitely had to look up how to spell epiphany.

Everyone and their brother who knows me knows I have all these stomach issues. And GERD is still butting it's ugly head into my life. I realize I'm going to have to control my diet the rest of my life BUT what I didn't realize was that I would have to learn how to breathe again.

Last week, on my "eat, pray, love" tour of SW Virginia, I took a drive down to Kingsport, TN to visit my dear friend Allison to do some energy work & massage on me. I asked her to focus on my stomach.

Have you ever had anyone massage your stomach? It's a little weird at first but it also feels very comforting to have someone work on your belly. It's an area of your body that holds so much energy and emotions. Allison told me that she could tell I wasn't taking full deep breathes and that she could tell my stomach was a little irritated from my diaphragm.

So afterwards, I went home feeling very relaxed but still the same. I ended up having a....let's just call it a "discussion" with someone really close to me, and it brought up a ton of old memories, some not so bright, & there was just this flood of negative emotions that came out of me. I felt drained. I felt completely drained.

I drove back to the farm with a lot on my mind. Everything was resolved as much as it was going to be, but it was a very exhausting experience. And I noticed that my stomach was really sore. Not inside sore like I am used to, but sore on the outside. I figured it was from the massage and went on with life.

A few nights later I still had a sore stomach. I could actually see that my stomach was a little swollen. I sat there in bed and studied myself. I studied my breath and my stomach and their connection. It almost scared me when I realized what Allison was talking about. I could literally feel myself taking a breath, holding it and grinding it into my stomach. I don't know if that makes sense but that's the way it feels. Then I observed myself the next day. It happened all of the time. I would catch myself just holding my breath and putting that pressure on my stomach. This especially happened when I felt any slight anxiety or anger. I would push it into my stomach.

I called Allison in a panic. "My stomach is sore, I can SEE IT from the outside, and I'm not breathing right...and I just figured it out...and it's freaking me out..um...call me back?"

Allison gave me the reassuring call that I knew she would and told me to continue to work on it. Work on observing breathe & correcting it by taking a few full, deep breathes to correct.

So, that's where I am starting. Learning to breathe again. Take a minute and observe yourself. Even if you do your yoga/pilates twice a day & you think you've got this breathing thing down, sit with yourself and learn how to breathe again.

I've been feeling like I'm starting over in alot of ways lately, so this is pretty fitting. Just breathe.

love.

I'll be honest

I have been sitting here trying to think of one the many things I always tell myself "oh..I should blog about that" (geek out.) anyways, I have been sitting here trying to remember something witty or interesting that has happened to me recently but there is a big PROBLEM. I can't stop thinking about something.

(i'll get to that problem in a minute. ramblings to ensue.)

So, remember when I told you about the morning I woke up getting sick? Well, lucky pants me, it continued to happen over and over again. And I have never felt more nauseas or lost my appetite than I have in the past 2 months.

So, I admit it.

I have horrible acid reflux also referred to as GERD. (fooled ya)

GEEERRRDDDD.

It just looks like what acid reflux is. I apologize to all my friends and family that are reading this because I have talked their ears off about my "illness".

Okay. So back to the story (I'm losing my own attention and I'm the one typing).

I have had to make some major changes in my lifestyle and diet to FINALLY (fingers crossed) get my stomach back on track.

Here is just a list of things that I have had to eliminate from my diet:

1. spicy food (ok. so, not that hard. I have never been a huge spice fan. I can give that up)

2. fried food. (alright, so....this one kinda hurts. But I can justify having it out of my diet anyways)

3. chocolate. stop the press. hold it. right. there.

(for anyone that knows me, you know. this is near impossible. actually, it is. I cheated with nutella on a piece of toast today. loser. )

4. alcohol. (head cock to the side).

Alright. I can do it. Just will have to take up meditating to take the *sting* out of the day. (and I'm still betting that my stomach will magically heal itself so I can resume having a glass of wine or nice cold beer in the evening)

5. NO EATING 3 HOURS BEFORE GOING TO BED. <-----------I'm done for.

I have stuck with it for almost 2 weeks now (okay.um..maybe slipping once)

But my strength is wavering.

Misery. Pain. I know that box of Frosted Flakes is sitting right there in my cabinet and is just waiting to be drizzled with cold 1% milk in a bowl that can hold near half a box.

I can't stop thinking about Tony.

I am an ex-late night snacker in a baaaaad place right now.

So. That is where my head is tonight. And in case you were wondering (oh sure you were) I feel 100% better. Actually listening to the doctor, taking medicine and eating right really does work. Who'da thought?

(I just want that damn bowl of cereal)