trust me.

Yesterday was such a good day.

A "pinch me" day.

I felt alive and happy.

I even got to sing for some sweet souls yesterday and then took a car ride through the valley where I took this picture.

yes, yesterday I had it all together.

and then at 1:00 am I woke up in a panic.  

I had forgotten to call my Dad on his birthday.  

The kitten woke up shortly after and I had to put my worries aside to feed him, trying (and failing) not to be angry at his growing belly.  

little sleep was had.

And this morning before work, while calling my Dad to apologize--to make up for that missed phone call--I felt myself crumple up inside.  I cried one of those "ugly face" cries.  

I felt someone rubbing my wet, stringy hair, telling me it was okay and then he played our favorite Maya Angelou interview on the television so I could walk out of the door, puffy faced, but trying to make my world a better place.  

 

we are human beings. 

we stand up and then fall
over and over
in a course of a lifetime.
we laugh and then we cry
over and over
in a course of a lifetime.

we suffer
over and over.
we pour out joy
over and over.

we are tides
coming in
going out
smooth at sea one day
swells and spray the next.

we search
over and over
for the meaning of it all.
and just when we think we have found it
we lose it
over and over.

what keeps us turning?
what keeps us searching?
I don't know the answer.
But I feel the answer.
Inside of me.  Scratching to escape.
Quietly whispering, trust me.

trust me.

trust in me.

at times it screams through my body.
taking forms of sickness or disease.
but when I listen, the calm begins.

trust me.

trust in me.

i have felt like an octopus,
tentacles radically reaching out
from the stem of my body
grasping at what it can hold onto to feed.

and then a little voice says

trust me.

trust in me.

lay your hand on your heart, on your stomach.
lean into each breath
you are good, child.
you are good.

trust me .