Bump Shot: 32

32 week obligatory self portrait!  I like the fact that I look like I have a magical wand in my hand too.

Oh, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!  

Christmas was pretty low key 'round these parts.  We slept in until almost 9 a.m. and then pillow talked for awhile about how this would be the last Christmas morning we would ever be able to be so lazy.  I made biscuits and gravy, coffee, and then we opened gifts, just the two of us.  

My hormones got ahead of me and I teared up at one point thinking about how this was the last time we would have a Christmas like this.  It was a happy cry, really.  Sometimes the thought of how much things are going to change is overwhelming though.  Next time this year we will have a 10 month old crawling (walking?!) all over the place.  Oh me oh my.  :)

My mom is coming into town tomorrow to spoil us some more.  I am looking forward to some home cooked meals and finishing up some touches on the nursery.  

Peace on earth my friends!!!

The best present of all!

Photo taken at my tacky Christmas party for work

Christmas is almost here!  Although, I have to say, we have been daydreaming a lot about what NEXT Christmas will be like.  But we are still excited to spend the holiday together all snuggled up in our love trailer. We cut down our own Charlie Brown Christmas tree this year (see below) and have been enjoying the twinkling lights as it turns brown at a rapid pace.  :) 

32 weeks tomorrow!  A bump shot is due. 

Merry Christmas! 

a shower for baby

Saturday, December 8

Baby Crummett was showered with love and presents! My mom (lady who I look a lot like above) and two of my best friends (see other gorgeous women above) put the whole shabang together.  We all oohh'd and ahhww'd over tiny clothes and practical baby needs.  I loved this day! 

We went home afterwards and set up the crib and loaded in the haul.  I spent the rest of the weekend folding the tiniest little clothes and putting everything in its place.  This feels REAL.  Andrew and I both walk into her nursery all of the time and just stare at it.  We are so ready for this little girl to be here. 

We are the luckiest. 

that'll do pig, that'll do.

Sunday night I said goodbye to our pigs.  I cried my eyes out and stood watching them as they buried their heads into feed buckets, snorting and grunting with no awareness that this was their last night on the farm. Andrew repeated the phrase that he has told me over and over again, stolen from Joel Salatin, "they have a happy life and have one bad day."

This was hard.  We knew it would be hard.  We are animals lovers to the core.  Even the ones that we like to eat.  We stepped into livestock farming because we have a deep feeling that it is the right thing to do.  All you have to do is google how animals are treated in large facilities and you know that there is something fundamentally wrong with the way that we treat these animals.  They deserve more from us.  They nourish our bodies and provide us energy and fuel, and in repayment they are treated incredibly cruel.  And we vote for this type of treatment every time we pick up meat from the grocery store.  We vote, blindly, yes, I don't care how these animals are treated as long as I don't have to see it.

So this is our first step in the journey.  We loved this little pigs.  We spoiled them.  We scratched them with sticks and fed them all of our scrap food.  We moved them to fresh lots every few weeks.  We let them root around in the dirt until their hearts were content.  

Yes.  It was a sad day but we know that this is the right step.  One of our farm dreams is to be able to offer meat that has been loved, cared, and respected for to our local community.  

Thank you, little pigs for your sacrifice. 

scenes from a Crummett morning

An early a.m. bathroom break awoke the Crummett household early enough to get in a little extra snuggle time on the couch this morning.  As you can see, mornings pretty much revolve around the furry ones (not for too much longer!).  The cats wait patiently (or sometimes not) until they get their morning nibbles distributed by their Dad because I can't stand the smell of cat food in the morning.  The pups get let out and on cold mornings like this they scratch on the door 5 minutes later to sit by the wood stove and get spoiled.  Oh, and there was a household craving for some french toast for breakfast.  Yum.  :) 

Yes.  It is hard to leave this love nest each day.  

on money and fear and choice

(this photo has nothing to do with the topic, but it does make me happy.  so there.)

I am no zen master on how to deal with finances.  Quite the opposite but I do feel like I have journeyed from being so petrified of bills that I wouldn't open my mail to where I am today.

And I am still, still, trying so hard.

I got a text from Andrew about how much it would cost to fix my car.  It's one of those cars---you know the kind.  Likes to act up juuuust as soon as you feel like you have some savings stashed away.

As I read the text, which was padded with "okay, now, don't freak out...." I could feel my eyes well up with tears.  My chest tightened and my mind went blank.  I would normally make fun of myself here for being overly-dramatic, but I think we all know what this feeling is like all too well.  

I took a gulp to wash down the lump in my throat and headed for the bathroom--my place of retreat when I am at work.  What is already a scary situation becomes even further compounded when you are about to bring a baby into the world, oh yeah and that I will not be working full-time come February.  

Deep breathes. I closed my eyes.  I felt her move.  I prayed.

"I will not choose fear.  I will not choose fear.  I am full.  I know You will take care of us.  I will not choose fear"

I sent it out to the universe without one tear dropping down my face.  I don't have another choice.  I have to believe that everything will be okay.  I don't have room in my body to choose fear anymore.  Just yesterday I had a deep feeling that I would have to release my fears about money.  I think I even remember saying almost the same prayer to myself.  

Now, in the past, my reaction to sending out a prayer about money woes only to be answer by an unexpected large bill the next day would have made me think the world was against me.  I just can't ever get ahead or this always happens to me might have been my self-pity mantra.  But this time, I did not choose fear.  It is my choice and I want to change the way I think about money for myself and for my family.

I don't know if this sort of conversation helps anybody else.  I just know that I am at a place in life where I do not want the fear of not having money to rule my world and I don't know another way to deal with it other than to let it go and know I believe that I will be taken care of.  

ready for the weekend

 

found here.

The weekend is upon us!!!!!!  

I am excited to slow down and spend time in my little home.  

Tonight, however, shall be a girl's night.  If you are from 'round these parts you should stop on by The Green Door sale to find all sorts of goodies.  I'll have some eggs for sale and a few vintage clothes that need to find a new home.  

I'm also going to a screening of the Ina May Gaskin film Birth Story on Saturday.  And it's *free*! 

Other plans:

exfoliating & hydrating the belly
painting the nursery (eeeekkk!)

cleaning, cleaning, cleaning

laundry, laundry, laundry

eating, eating, eating

lovin' on some cats & dogs

and taking some long baths

peace out.

 

blood shot eyes, chubby cheeks, can't lose

 In other words, I am 28 weeks pregnant.
(I hope you appreciate my Friday Night Lights humor)

Blood shot eyes:  sleeping has become a game of sorts.  I have to time it perfectly or I will be up and down all night.  Last night I went to bed too early, which meant I was up again at 12:00 a.m. (and 1:30 & 2:00).  I'm too cheap to get a body pillow so I just stick one in between my legs, spoon another, and then have one for my head.  Yes, this means Andrew only has one pillow now but he doesn't complain too much. 

Chubby cheeks:  I'm not really the limiting type and after not being able to eat for about 15 weeks I made a promise to myself that I would never take eating for granted again.  Clearly, I have lived up to my personal promise.  Watching the scale numbers go up and up is a little shocking but I try to balance it out.  Who am I kidding?  I eat what I want, when I want, and then go for walks at night.  I don't have enough brain cells available to be too hard on myself.  Words of the wise---pick and choose what you want to really focus on and try and let the rest slip by.  Luckily I chose working on being happy & not anx ridden during pregnancy.  Pass the cupcakes. 

Can't lose:  Well, because the end result is going to be my little baby!  duh. 

Thankfully one of my bosom buddies willed down a bunch of maternity clothes to me.  I took two fabulous bathroom snap shots because this shirt gives that nice tent look, so you can't really tell how big my belly is getting without the signature two handed belly grab.  

Keep on growin' little thing.  I'll do my part and keep on eatin'.  :) 

nothing left to say...

There is nothing more left to say about going back to work on a Monday after Holiday break that can't be summed up in this picture.

I will use it as inspiration to get through the day and giggle. 

i love this cat's face.
and I love vanilla chai lattes. 
and I can't stop eating.

happy monday

always finding home

 Me, baby in belly, and soon to be Uncle Jason

Ah, the Thanksgiving feast has been served, leftovers sit in the refrigerator, and my heart feels full.

We spent Thanksgiving at my brother's home in Tennessee.  My mom and Aunt Cindy also met us there.  I can always find home where my family gathers.  Thanksgiving dinner never seems to be in the same place each year, but that is something that I reflected on being thankful for on our drive back to Virginia.  It used to be a struggle to let go of how things "used to be", especially around the Holidays but over the years I have learned that this was a gift in disguise.  Home is where you make it.  It doesn't matter if it is with your *new* family, in a different house, a restaurant, or sitting in a hotel making turkey sandwiches.  It isn't made up of four walls, or fancy place settings--those are just all distractions of what is really important.   It is being around the people that love you unconditionally.  That is what I felt this Thanksgiving.  I was surrounded by my brother, sister in law, nephews, mom, aunt, and husband--all who I love so dearly.  I thought about our baby and how lucky she is to be born into a family who loves each other so much.  I missed the family and friends that I couldn't be with, but I was so happy to get to spend the day visiting with my brother and his family, who I don't get to see as much as we would all like. 

This stuck out in my mind tonight as what I was grateful for the most this year.  Always finding home.   

(we asked a man if he would snap this picture of all of us.  he said, "Sure.  1.2.3. Say Shit!"  It was a really?? moment for sure.)

over it

This nasty cold, that is.  

Andrew can vouch for me that I am the most stubborn patient and that I hate taking medicine, but oh what I would do for a box of cold and sinus meds and to suck down some Nyquil right now.  The nasty ick bug entered our house last week and it finally nabbed me.

On top of all my usually pregnancy complaints, having a head cold makes things 100% worse.  Baby girl seems to be just fine, jumping around like a little bean in there while her mother is being a big mope, walking around with a tissue stuck up her nose.

We were supposed to paint the nursery this weekend and start getting things set up.  Well, that didn't happen.  We had birthing class on Saturday, I went to go see a movie on Saturday night (Lincoln--it was phenomenal.  Daniel Day Lewis is such an amazing actor) and Sunday I could barely get out of of bed.  We'll get it up and running though. 

Bump shot hopefully sometime this week when I can get myself together.  

cheers.  

 

we like to party

Last night we celebrated Andrew's 30th birthday!  We spent the evening at his parents house with the family, including his niece and nephew, who are two of our favorite little people in the world.  While we were all preparing dinner, Aubrey and Ashton set up the table with presents & sweet notes for Andrew.  They even thought twice about giving up some of their toys, taking them off of the table and then deciding on their own that they were in fact ready to give them over.  Andrew decided to keep his new presents at Grandmas since we needed to make room for the baby.  I think they were both relieved.  He was spoiled with new riding boots, a warm winter hat from my mom, and I apparently hit the jackpot of all gifts when I got him two books that were on his wish list:  "The Hobbit" and "Cloud Atlas".   

Happy birthday you old man.  You are one special fellow.  

preparing for zee birth!

As a first timer over here, I am trying to work through what my birth plan will look like and more importantly, how I want to this experience to feel--for both myself and Andrew.  It has been very interesting to sit back and listen to others experiences, words of encouragement, and unfortunately words of discouragement. 

The most important thing for me is to enter into birth without fear.  I realized early on that I had a lot of fear surrounding me when thinking about birth.  I believe that women attain this sense of fear mainly through what images we are shown in the media, as well as hearing other birth stories from other women who are filled with fear.  I also believe that men, through their misunderstanding of what a woman's body is capable of, have injected their own fears into the medical field and made the birthing process unattractive and misunderstood.

I am not afraid of having to go down the route of an epidural or a c-section if medically necessary, however, I want to enter into this experience without the fear that my body somehow isn't made to do this.  Because that is exactly what my body has been made to do.  I am no different than a horse, or a cat, or any other animal that can give birth without wildly thrashing around.  I don't believe that is how God created a women's body.  I actually had a man, when referencing birth, call it it the "curse of eve".  You can imagine my disgust.  That is another example of how men have shaped an experience that they know very little about.  

Through readings and practice, I am watching the fear that I have surrounding birth melt away.  I feel empowered by this experience that I am so lucky to go through.  I feel a shift in the way my mind is taking this all in---and it feels so good.  I understand why women feel the need to make twisted faces or say things like "oh, you tell me how that whole natural birth goes for you", when I talk about my desires.  I have probably said the same doubtful things in the past.  But we are so very misinformed and misguided about how amazing our bodies are.  How can I be 28 years old and just learning this?  I will take it on as my duty to teach my daughter about her body and its capabilities in an empowering way.  

These are the two books I am currently reading and will be adding to the list.  Let me know if you have any suggestions!  

Hypnobirthing:  The Mongan Method

Birth Matters by Ina May Gaskin

Feelin' Fine at 25

Here I am!  Alive and well at 25 weeks doing my glamorous bathroom bump shot. 

Some updates:

*Baby girl is moving around all the time.  I love it!  (except when she is kicking...down below)

*I'm already having trouble getting up out of the bed or the couch when I am laying down.  I feel like a beached whale (I know, hold my breath...it's gonna get worse)

*I want to eat 24/7.  What's new?

*Warm baths are my best friend

*Maternity clothes are my other BF.  

*Word on the street is that the nursery is going to be painted this weekend

*Speaking of the weekend, me and baby girl are taking a trip to TEXASSSSSSS on Thursday to hang out with my girlfriend whose wedding I can't make in March.  We are jet setters.  :)

*Baby shower preparations are taking place  

*Whenever Andrew makes me mad I tell him that he has hurt the babies feelings and that she is mad at him and he usually apologies first.  Sucker.

*We started taking our first hypnobirthing classes and chose our Doula.  Exciting!   

*We have a name picked out and if I have been asked 10,000 times per usual per day and you catch me at the right moment, I might just tell you what it is.  But no big reveal until she is here. 

*And I did some math, which is hard for me.  In 10 weeks I will be 35 weeks.  Which means, I am close to 36 weeks.  Which means that she will almost be ready to be here! 

Peace out.  Working on taking it day by day. 

the pregnancy brain bug

image found here.

I've had a little bug in my brain the last few weeks, constantly going on and on about all of the things I still need to do, if I am doing what I am already doing right, and on and on.  I think deep down I knew that I would struggle with this bug at some point of the pregnancy, but it is still hard to work through.  I spilled the beans to my midwife at my last appointment--that I've felt anxious lately, worried that I am doing things all wrong, disappointing people, and most of all worried that I was passing along any stress to my baby.  

She said all the things I needed to hear.  One of her best lines was:  

"You only need a place for her to sleep and a car seat.  The rest is all fluff."

amen.

It is so hard to not get wrapped up in the fluff, especially when the little pregnancy bug is telling you that your nursery must be PERFECT or somehow you have failed.  Wha what???  I've got enough perspective with myself to realize that that is nothing but crazy talk in my head.  But it creeps up---I think a lot of women go through this.  And when you don't have the largest budget (um..make that any budget) to try and make it happen, it can compound even more.

My other stress has been work.  With my brain pulled in 10 different directions and my energy level shooting highs and lows, it has been pretty difficult to feel my best there.  And I want to.  I want to do a good job, so when I feel like I am lacking I create yet another made up scenario that I am disappointing everyone, including myself. 

So I am taking a step back.  I'll continue to take this day by day and realize that I am doing the best I can do.  I'm at the cusp of the biggest life change in my life, both personally and professionally.  I don't think the magnitude of it all hit me until these past two weeks.  

But under all of this is excitement.  I know my heart is ready for this.  I just have to catch my brain up to speed.  I fell instantly in love with this quote from Rumi.  It is a strange pull, this little one inside.  She is leading me into a life unknown.  But I know I am not being led astray.  

weekend whirlwind

So we did it!  We might have only had 10 of the 42 people from our class come but we did it!  It was great getting to catch up with old friends and spending a night at the football game.  Not much has changed.  The cheerleaders even still do our old Fight Song routine.  We were proud of that.  :)  It brought back so many memories and I was happy that Andrew could be there to soak it all in with me.  

It was a quick trip and we left the next morning after having breakfast with mom and lunch with dad.  I spent Sunday cleaning out the nursery (aka the guest room/storage disaster room).  

I was on the brink of tears a few times, but I finally got it all under control.  It made me seriously think about how much *stuff* we can accumulate and how it weighs us down.  One good thing about living in a tiny space is that you have to constantly take inventory on your goods.  We have 2 closets in the entire place and they are both occupied with clothes or soon to be baby items.  That means......ZERO storage.  We do have access to put some boxes in Grandma's basement, but only for a few things.  My next project is to go through drawers and de-clutter.  Wish me luck.  

Did I mention we were off of school today!??  YES.  Sandy is causing problems on the east coast, but I must say I was jumping for joy this morning when I heard the news, especially after I was wide awake at  4 a.m. (thanks baby girl).

Off to work on the house some more.  Happy Monday! 

almost 24 weeks

Profesh selfie photo shoot

My belly still has a little bit of a cone shape thing going on.  That's okay, I'll rock it anyways (like I have a choice).

Today I got myself a little more together than I have been all week so I thought I would snap a few for the memory book.  It has been a hellofaweek  and throwing together my pregnant self in 5 minutes has not helped the situation.  So...ta-da!!!  Instant mood booster.

Tomorrow we are off to my 10 year High School reunion.  I'm pretty excited to see all my old friends and to go to a good ole John I. Burton football game.  Go Raiders!  They are the only football team I can truly say I ever cared about.  I'm just faking the family loyalty to the Redskins.  All Hail?  Is that what I am supposed to say?

 Peace out.  If you are around my parts of Virginia I hope you are enjoying this beautiful fall weather we are having.  I wish I could run around and play in it all day.

xoxo

Who will judge the hulk?

 

I think I grew 2 sizes overnight.  

I am in desperate need of doing laundry for my 5 maternity outfits so I tried to squeeze into some pre-preg clothes.

It was a hulk fest.

I'm also starting to have to do the lean back pose at my desk.

I can't breathe.

I want to rip off these clothes.

Who will judge the hulk?

no new news

my little niece and Molly (the horse)

I don't have much to report over in my parts.  I am back from my 3 week travel schedule at work which I must give a little *hallelujah* to.  Knowing that I wouldn't have to leave home like this again made it all a little more bearable.  That and being able to watch Mad Men on netflix each night.  (oh Don, I love to hate you)

The weekend was full of horses & sleeping & hoping that Monday wouldn't come too fast.  But it did all the same.

Andrew is starting a fire in the wood stove right now and I think it is hot chocolate time and watching the last (thank goodness) presidential debate.

Happy Monday to you.  

little one

  21 weeks old in utero 

you are loved, always.