Sunday, June 30, 2013



Can you imagine how many times a day I kiss that spot?  It's a lot.  

Happy Sunday :)

Saturday, June 29, 2013

last night's post

We are starting to get a rhythm in this family with our new roles and the busy work season of summer.  I will say that it has been a harder adjustment for me.  I still find myself trying to ride the waves of extreme and often coinciding emotions.  In one moment I feel so tired, my body so heavy & wanting to just push everyone away that needs me and in the next thought I feel intense love for the life I have.  I think that it has to be that way though.  You have to work so hard for this little babe and the only way to get through it is to be completely, head over heels, in love.  Or that's what I tell myself at three a.m. in the dark with a pint of ice-cream, crying.  Not that that happened last night or anything.

This is what we do almost every evening.  After Ev has woken up from her last nap we go for a walk. I think this may be one of my favorite times of the day with her.  I slow myself down and can finally breathe as the sun goes down and the heat with it.  Today we watched the clouds move across a little break in the trees.  I don't think I have done that in years.  To just watch clouds go by.  

We stay outside usually tagging along while Andrew finishes up feeding the pigs and chickens until bath time.  After bath time she gets a coconut oil massage while I sing "Put the Lime in the Coconut", because she hates putting on her pajamas and this distracts her for a while.  I also really like singing this song in a deep, man voice.  

I rock her and nurse her to sleep.  She always breaks out in a sweat when she nurses and I like to pat down the back of her hair from sticking out.  We lay her down in the middle of our bed and tip toe out. 

I eventually find myself back in the bathroom to clean up.  I've been using her bath water to rinse my feet off for the night.  You can find me barefoot most of the day and they are ready for a rinse before bed.  There is no sense in wasting water.  Tonight while I was dipping my toes in the water I thought about how much I love this, both of us using the same water to rise off the grit of the day.    

I just wanted to write that down.  

Thursday, June 27, 2013

I admit, I'm a little jealous of her...

She gets to grow up on a horse farm.  

This was my little girl fantasy and more.  Let's just all cross our fingers that she likes horses as much as her Daddy wants her to because there have been conversations about a future Olympic Rider at dinnertime.  

But my love, know that your mother will be pushing for musical theatre camps with full force.  
We are already becoming those parents.....

My god, next we will have those family stick person stickers on the back of our car.  

It happens so fast people.  So fast.  
Be wary....

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

a 4 month old baby lives here

(I decided that I would be thrifty & creative by cross stitching her onesie each month.  This is a decision that I now regret.  What was I thinking?  Sorry Ev that your month-to-month photo memories are illegible and that I didn't do month 3.  In my defense, you were crying in my face a lot.) 

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Turn Back Time: A time when I was blonde...

I've been purging big time.  I've got at least 3 baskets full of stuff to either yard sale or give away & it feels soooo good.  Anyways, let's get back to this blonde gone wrong above.  Through my purging I found a box full of old pictures from High School.  Somewhere in the midst of those 4 years I got highlights, pulled through the cap.  Oh yeah.  You know it was back in the day if you had them pulled through a cap.  I think I was a junior in the picture above.  Anyways, each time I went to go get them touched up I ended up with more blonde hair until one day *BAM* I was a blonde, in a very bad way. Thankfully I snapped back into reality that I would never be Britney Spears and went back to my brunette roots by senior year.  

Thus concludes my first ever TBT moment.  

Sunday, June 16, 2013

thank you

You are an incredible person to watch grow into fatherhood.  My heart is grateful that this little girl will get to have you as her Dad.  xoxo

Thursday, June 13, 2013

K.I.R. : riding pants are glorified leggings

 photo keeping-it-real_zps31d0cfea.jpg

K.I.R. Confession:

I have worn a full on horseback riding outfit (polo & riding pants) twice this week with no plans of riding a horse (i'm good at this) because I didn't have any other clean clothes and my jeans still don't fit.

Why?  'Cause I'm keepin' it real.

Monday, June 10, 2013

living with less

I have been reading a lot of blogs about minimalism lately.  Ever since I was pregnant I have just wanted less around.  We have a tiny space to live in (2 bedrooms, 2 baths, living room, kitchen & dining room/laundry you need a visual?  Think single-wide-trailer.  There you go.  You got it now)  so having less around is vital for my sanity.  But you guys, it is hard.  I don't know where the stuff comes from but it seeps in when I am not looking and because I don't have closest or extra space that I can cram it into it is all staring at me in the face 24/7.  

In the past 3 months, I think I have taken 2 big loads to Goodwill and I still have another box forming in the bedroom.  I initially had this plan that I would go through each room and just have a real heart to heart with myself and just get rid of anything, absolutely anything that did not have a place and that was not essential to our family.  The clothes were sort of easy because I wanted to donate almost everything I had.  I didn't get rid of anything that was of good quality but to snug on me to wear right now (I'll hold out hope) but if it was small, cheap, or something that I even had to think twice about I chucked it.  I would rather have the basics than to keep up with this ridiculous pile of laundry I collect.  

Some pieces were hard though.  I had to have Andrew intervene when I was trying to talk myself into keeping a black shirt that I waited tables in from Wet Seal that I have had since 2006.  It just held a lot of memories from Richmond to me.  But no, I shouldn't be wearing that faded black shirt even to bed.  Like I said, I have taken a few trips to Goodwill already but I am trying to keep a plastic bin around and filling it up with items as I go about my way.  Once it is filled off it goes!  It does seem like a never ending cycle.  I just don't know where all of this STUFF comes from!  

I know I am a cluttery person.  That word should actually be added to the dictionary under my name.  But if you flip the coin on the other side, at least it is something that I am actively trying to change and you won't ever find me on an episode of Hoarders, dear God.  When I get down about living in a small space I think about how much it is helping me let go of things that I don't need.  I know if I had a larger home it would be so easy to fill it up with more.  

BE GONE STUFF and let me breathe easy in my Traiylor.  I'll keep on keepin' on with trying to live a more simple life with less.  

He said, She Said

He said come out here and sit with me.

She said the baby is finally asleep.

They sat in the country quiet watching fireflies dance in trees.

And in slow motion, the bench beneath them fell to the right and they slid to the ground laughing.

(I want to keep little memories like these in my pocket to remember forever.)

Saturday, June 8, 2013

there were early signs of the possibilities of a mother/daughter duo

Everly Singing from Valerie McQueen on Vimeo.

One can hope?

(p.s.  flannel is so hot right now.)

Friday, June 7, 2013

Keepin' It Real Series : K.I.R.

If you are a true child of the 90's and/or Clueless lover, you will remember when Murray pisses off Deon by shaving his head because he is "keepin' it real".  I decided that in the land of blogs & Facebook where it is so easy to make your life look picture perfect I would have posts dedicated to K.I.R. so we all embrace our imperfections a little more.  

Today I am K.I.R. about a few things that I thought motherhood would be like pre-baby and my actual reality.  

1.  Since I will be a stay at home mom, I will have my house clean all of the time.  I mean, you are home all day long, how could you NOT have the time?  
Bitch, please.  I was so wrong about this one.  My house is a hot mess and my child doesn't even crawl yet.  I go to start to do the dishes thinking that Ev is happy as a clam in her bouncy seat and 3 minutes later she is screaming.  I'll clean my living room and then lay her down to change her on the floor or play with her and all of the sudden a bomb has exploded on my living room floor and there are teething rings, dirty diapers, wipes, and baby socks everywhere.  Staying at home all day with a baby does not equal a clean house.  Just give up the dream.

2.  I won't be one of those moms that don't find the time to shower or put themselves together.  
Just shut up.  Shut. up.  This makes me laugh.  I didn't take the time to put myself together BEFORE I had a baby so I don't know what I was smoking when I made this statement pre-baby.  I realized the other day I had not had a shower in 4 days, but then remembered that I had gone swimming, so I counted that as a semi-bath and it made me feel a little less like a scum bag.  Don't judge me.  I know you are reading this to yourself thinking, "omg, 4 days?  she is so gross."  It happens & acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step.  Support me, love me, suds me.  

3.  My baby won't watch T.V.  
cough *liar* cough.  I believed in this so much that we actually cancelled our cable right after she was born.  We wanted to save some money & thought that it was perfect timing since we didn't want the T.V. to be on all of the time around Evs.  We held out strong, all the way until about the 6th-7th straight week of her crying for 4 hour blocks until 2:00 a.m.  We both had a breakdown fight one night and I had barricaded myself in the bedroom with Everly cleaning (you want to know how to get me to clean?  Fight with me.  I will put away some motherflippin' laundry angry faster than no other), anyways, I walked out to tell Andrew that I forgave him and I still loved him and he was sitting on the couch watching T.V.  My heart grew 3 sizes for him that evening.  We just couldn't do it anymore.  So, do I catch Everly starring at the T.V. sometimes?  Yes.  When it gives me 5 minutes to go to the bathroom do I let it bother me?  No.  

4.  I'm gonna bounce right back into my old clothes and start a workout routine ASAP!
Punch her.  Punch her in the face.  At first, you don't have to worry about it at all.  I mean, you literally just pushed a baby out of your body.  But then I started to feel like I should be doing....something?  So I walked a little, telling myself that post 6 weeks I would start a light workout.  Maybe at 8-9 weeks out I would start back up at the gym.  None of this has happened yet.  I did go through a phase when I was having some breastfeeding issues that I needed to clean up my diet.  I was being a little too strict on myself and when one of my midwives came over for a visit she snapped me back into reality.  She told me that if I was on any sort of diet to STOP RIGHT NOW.  When you are breastfeeding you need extra calories.  Your body needs to be full.  You need to be focused on eating a healthy, balanced diet and eating frequent.  It's funny, because it was almost like I needed someone to give me the permission to just let it go and EAT.  So I have been letting myself eat what I want, when I want.  I'm not like, gorging on fatty foods, but I do eat little meals all of the time and honestly, there is so much going on in my brain right now that giving up the need to go back into my old clothes 3 months after having a baby has been the best thing for me mentally.  And my new black one piece from Wal-Mart is actually very flattering if I do say so myself.  :)  

So those are my first 4 Keepin' It Real confessions.  If you feel like you are living in the Pinterest land of inadequacy, have no fear.  I rarely shower and cry about my dirty floors on a regular basis.  I love you too.  

Thursday, June 6, 2013

rainy day love

It's raining today and here is a view from my front door.  

Things you should know:

1.  Getting that screen door was a lot of hard work & perseverance and it felt like Christmas morning when we put it in.  It's all rigged up with a wooden board because it doesn't fit the door frame.  But it only cost $30 & a few fights between me and Andrew for over two years.  Once I nag him enough about building a little deck, the Traiylor is going to be such a breezy bungalow.  

2.  This rain today is saving my marriage & sanity.  The gardens and fields are all getting a much needed downpour and Andrew's stress level has gone back down to a functional level.  I've got a second set of hands today AND I was told we were going to go out on a family shopping trip.  But Ev still needs her nature time so she chilled out listening to the rain for a bit.  

3.  I've almost killed every single house plant in our home.  Those cactuses are hanging on for dear life. Once we got our fancy screen door I decided I would put them all outside because I was getting claustrophobic and I was sick of having half of a greenhouse in my already tiny kitchen.  But I do feel bad.  I'm still trying to see if I can revive them.  

4.  We are listening to our birthing playlist because when you become parents things like this make you all nostalgic and squishy (in both heart and various body parts).  Ev was born while this song was playing.  No joke.  I couldn't have planned a more perfectly dramatic song to be screaming to in the background.  We have a small video clip of when Everly came out (thanks mom!) and when we played it back and heard this in the background we cracked up. What an entrance she made into this world.

Monday, June 3, 2013

teething, and road trips, and alpacas, OH MY

-Ev can rock a mohawk like no other-

 I wrote this this morning and cannot seem to complete a here we are at 10:35 p.m. posting.  

I'm currently trying to type and let my baby sleep on my lap because that seems to be the only way to get her to nap this morning.  Some days this feels crippling and all I can do is think of the 1000 things I need to do and other days like today I soak it in.  Ev had a rough night last night as we enter into the phase of teething.  Hearing her whimper in pain was the saddest thing I think I have ever heard.  :(  

Let's move onto our first road trip!!  I had a bit of anxiety thinking about our 5.5 hour road trip to visit my family down south in Virginia & Kentucky but Ev was a trooper.  Going away for a weekend with a kid is definitely a whole new ball game.  Not as much relaxing but seeing the joy on my families faces when they interact with Everly is the best.  I wish we were all in the same place.  Maybe one day.  

And last but not least, the alpacas.  Andrew's sister tipped me off that she was bringing over two displaced alpacas to the farm while we were away and I just kept my mouth shut as to not ruin our weekend.  I knew Andrew would flip out and when we got home and saw them and it all pretty much played out as expected.  Poor things.  Who knows what will happen to these 'Pacas.

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