last night's post

We are starting to get a rhythm in this family with our new roles and the busy work season of summer.  I will say that it has been a harder adjustment for me.  I still find myself trying to ride the waves of extreme and often coinciding emotions.  In one moment I feel so tired, my body so heavy & wanting to just push everyone away that needs me and in the next thought I feel intense love for the life I have.  I think that it has to be that way though.  You have to work so hard for this little babe and the only way to get through it is to be completely, head over heels, in love.  Or that's what I tell myself at three a.m. in the dark with a pint of ice-cream, crying.  Not that that happened last night or anything.

This is what we do almost every evening.  After Ev has woken up from her last nap we go for a walk. I think this may be one of my favorite times of the day with her.  I slow myself down and can finally breathe as the sun goes down and the heat with it.  Today we watched the clouds move across a little break in the trees.  I don't think I have done that in years.  To just watch clouds go by.  

We stay outside usually tagging along while Andrew finishes up feeding the pigs and chickens until bath time.  After bath time she gets a coconut oil massage while I sing "Put the Lime in the Coconut", because she hates putting on her pajamas and this distracts her for a while.  I also really like singing this song in a deep, man voice.  

I rock her and nurse her to sleep.  She always breaks out in a sweat when she nurses and I like to pat down the back of her hair from sticking out.  We lay her down in the middle of our bed and tip toe out. 

I eventually find myself back in the bathroom to clean up.  I've been using her bath water to rinse my feet off for the night.  You can find me barefoot most of the day and they are ready for a rinse before bed.  There is no sense in wasting water.  Tonight while I was dipping my toes in the water I thought about how much I love this, both of us using the same water to rise off the grit of the day.    

I just wanted to write that down.