may

i have started so many post drafts in this last month but I have either a.) had a bum to wipe/baby to feed/crying monster and become sidetracked or b.) gone back and re-read the dramatic writings of a sleep deprived, hormone shifting, am--screwing-this-up???  new mom and thankfully had a sane enough mind not to press publish.  

here's an update on our household:

Andrew:  best.dad.ever.  He is so incredibly into being a Dad it makes your heart hurt a little.  There is just something special about seeing your husband interact with your little girl.  You know how important it is to have a strong father figure in a life growing up and I am just so excited for Everly to have this guy.  He's working his butt off in the gardens, stables, and taking care of all the animals.  Spring always seems to stall getting here and then hits like a tons of bricks and life gets busy.  But the farm has never looked better and each week we make progress in different areas.  

Everly Ruth:  Ev is such a cool baby.  She is definitely a sparkler.  I can't believe she is almost 3 months old!  She is holding her head up more and more each day it seems.  She loves her bouncy chair, Dad's shoulder, & smiling.  We've had a few things come up with breastfeeding so I am going to a lactation consultant to straighten it out.  Our breastfeeding relationship has been really amazing and really, really hard.  But I'm determined to keep at it.  I've had the greatest support from everyone around me and I feel like I am learning so much to pass along to others as well.  

We are also starting more of a sleep schedule for now.  It's day 2 and things have been good so far (cross your fingers!).  She is our sunshine.  

ME!:  Oh me.  I'm a big ball of feelings, leaning into this new life each day.  I'm trying to open my heart all day long and not miss a thing.  I have this programmed mind that feels like it has to be accomplishing something each minute of the day.  I have a hard time sitting.  But the amount of things I could be doing will overwhelm me.  So most of the time I resign.  I lay back down with Everly and tell myself that I will never look back in life and regret this moment.  And I feel a little weight lift from me.  

I have so much respect for mothers now.  Everyone is just trying to do their best.  Keep a nice house, be a good wife, be the most patient mother ever (& failing), keep up with friends & family, pursue other goals....the list goes on and on.  This experience is teaching me more and more to be kind to myself.  I can't do it all everyday but I can try to be good to myself everyday and that in turn makes me a better wife and mother.  

Olivia & Co.:  All of the animals are the same spoiled brats that they have always been.  They just get less attention & wine more.  

ahhh...those cheeks!