you go girl

It's okay.

_____________________________________________________________





I might need to look at this from time to time and now so can you.

you're welcome.

How David Arquette Helped Me

Last week, or maybe it was just a few days ago, I watched an episode of Oprah (oh how I have missed you) and her guest was David Arquette.  I was sucked in from the beginning.  (Oprah is the BEST interviewer--no matter how many times she interrupts her guests..I STILL love her).  

The interview pretty much consisted of David telling his downward spiral story and how he is working on himself now.  I really respected him for his honesty.  He said one thing that really stuck out in my mind over the last few days.  It was something his yoga instructor told him (so she probably read it from a Buddhist reading or something and I am probably butchering the quote) but it went something like this:

"Anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else do die"  

mind blowing statement to me.  

And I've replaced "Anger" with other negative emotions like, stress, anxiety.....all of those icky feelings.  It just registers in my head, this statement.  I thought I would pass it along to you all in case it makes you go "AH-HA" as well.

Happy Wednesday!  Let's all stop drinking poison, shall we?

a gift

A Mr. Rogers Song

what do you do with the mad that you feel?
when you feel so mad you could bite
when the whole wide world seems oh so wrong and nothing you do seems very right
what do you do?
do you punch a bag, do you pound some clay or some dough, do you round up friends for a game of tag or see how fast you go?
it's great to be able to stop when you planned a thing that's wrong and be able to do something else instead and think this song.
i can stop when i want to
i can stop when i wish
i can stop stop stop anytime
and what a good feeling to feel like this and know that the feeling is really mine.
know that there's something deep inside that helps us becomes what we can
for a girl can be someday a lady and boy can be someday a man.

(If you have 7 minutes, you should listen to this. )

A few weeks ago, I was taking pictures during a middle school geography bee at the school that I work at. It was down to the final two-a boy and a girl. Everything slowed down at that last question. The judges announced that he had won and I snapped a picture. I watched through the lens as the small girl lowered her head and alligator tears began to flow. Her entire face looked like the world was crashing down. The amount of pressure that she had put on herself was heartbreaking to watch--because I knew that I was that girl.

When did we start? Were we 11? 7? 5? When did we start beating ourselves up for not being good enough?

Just like Mr. Rogers said, we can stop.

I guess I have been really taking a look at patterns that I have created in my life and I'm ready to break them.

Won't you stick around to help me? Thanks.

a mel gibson equation.

+

=

emotional disaster.

What do I do?

You know that question that makes every unemployed persons skin raise while instantly making you want to slink away?

"What do you do?"

I wish we could just ban that phrase. It leads to all sorts of feelings of inadequacies. I used to love answering it, when I loved my old job at CFF. I was really really proud of my job and I welcomed the question.

I've been asked that question lately, you know....since I currently don't have a job. And I have all kinds of answers in reserve . But, I think what's been bothering me is that I'm not being truthful.

What am I doing?

I'm playing music. It's what I want to do & something that I have wanted to do "full time" my entire life. No, I don't have a reserve of money backing me up. But I do have a reserve of people that love me backing me up.

This may just be one of the scariest things I have ever done. But I know it's the only thing I want to do.

My friend Amy told me once, "Just jump. The net will catch you." And, ya know what? It will. And I will just keep figuring out things as I go & throw security out of the window.

So my new goal this week is to be honest with myself. What do I do? I play music & sing. I might have a job here and there to make some extra cash but I DO music. It's what I love and I'm going after it with all my heart.

Happy Monday. :)
(I promise I'm coming off of my "eat, pray, love" mission soon. So much on my mind. I will get back to microsoft paint & fun stories asap)

I can do anything good!!!!

Found via my love Patti Digh.

I like her.

day by day.

Image found at 37days

"Every day is day one.

Every single, stinkin' day.

Each one.

Today.

Tomorrow.

The next day.

Not as punishment of failure, but as a gift."

I apologize that my blog has turned into my self help gallery. Maybe when you have those days when you feel just plum, bat-sh@t-crazy (as Andrew delicately put it this weekend), you will browse upon this post and go, "By golly, I'm not the ONLY one!!"

But then again, maybe you deal well with change and do not have to recite the Serenity Prayer twice daily and maybe you don't use words like "golly".

But I do. I have to.

I wish I could find the girl that posted this. She is somewhere....just not sure where she is hiding.

Truth is, I'm scared. I'm waking up with an elephant on my chest every morning.

The familiar feelings start to press deep into my chest and then comes the constant tape recorder in my head....the list of things still to do. The things I will miss. The things I never accomplished in Richmond. The things I have accomplished in Richmond.....the list goes on and on.

But as sure as sun comes up, the one thing that takes it all away is music. It is my one true release and unfortunately the one thing I tend to suppress when I am stressed. (why is that?...I'm not sure either)

So. I will stop being so hard on myself. I will pick up my guitar and play, knowing that when I put it down my chest will feel lighter, my heart fuller.

Yes. I'll play music when things start to get tough. But I'll also watch this video of my cousin from Kentucky torturing Andrew over and over. I love that laugh. And you gotta love a deep Kentucky accent.

And this week, above all weeks, I will take each day by day.

Every single, stinkin' day.