the best kiss I have ever had

gums, tiny teeth, drool and all.  

hope you were kissed by someone today too.  

xo

every day

every day I think of things to blog about.  "I should write about that" is a common inside the head conversation I have with myself.  But then a baby cries or a timer goes off or the chores need to be dealt with and the 30-60 minute window of time that I have 3 times a day fades quickly.  

I want to blog about...

a "keepin' it real" post about how I have committed the ultimate fashion crime twice and worn my crocs out in public to run errands.  I felt horrible and nasty yet my feet did feel comfy wrapped in that soft plastic.  someone help me.  

my home is being invaded by stink bugs.  At one point there were like 30 crawling on my walls.  That's when I called Andrew and told him I was having a panic attack because I tried to pick them up to throw them in water myself, but I felt like I was picking up tiny roaches and it was horrible and I was so hot and sweaty with a baby on my hip.  So I went outside and turned on the water hose and sprayed those suckers until they flew away.  And then they flew back.  

I am riding again and it has become my new therapy.  I like riding this blue eyed horse named Toby.  I also just wrote and deleted 4 different sentences because they were (only funny to me) jokes about further damaging my womanly special area.  too much?  oh, but it's true. 

Our Hunter died last months and it was very, very sad.  I wrote a post the day that he died but never hit publish because I was afraid it would drive the reader to drink.  But maybe time enough has passed where I can post it.  

During the day the farm is so quiet and beautiful.  I never really got to experience this silence because I was always home when the lessons were going on after work.  It truly is a beautiful thing.  Sometimes, when I go out to walk around and I know Andrew is somewhere on the farm but don't have my cellphone, I do the Mockingjay whistle from Hunger Games and Andrew will hear it and attempt to whistle back (I'm really, really, good at whistling FYI) and we keep doing it until we find each other.  Tell me we aren't the coolest couple you could ever hope to know.

I painted my kitchen cabinets white and it was the best kitchen makeover ever.  Maybe one day I will post some pics. 

I want to write about my feelings (SURPRISE) and how the entire last 7 months have been a trial and error system where I fail ALL OF THE TIME.  But, I am learning more and more about myself and what is important.  What is enough.  What is love.  I am bursting with feelings, y'all.  

I have been trying to do a minimalist makeover on our home and I am making strides.  I'd love to write a post about how I have overcome some big hurdles along the way and how I wrote a prescription to myself about having the house tidied up each day.  

I got to see two of my best friends in the past months and it made my heart all happy and I want to all live 5 minutes from each other so I can be around that goodness all the time.  It makes me so happy/sad.

I really want to do one of those posts about what my makeup routine is.  I have no idea why though, because I use crusty old concealer and dirty brushes.  I just love knowing what other people use.  

I want to talk about my breastfeeding journey and my nips of steel.  You are on the edge of your seat, aren't you?

See?  So many great blog posts.  I can see 'em in my head plain as day.  

One day?

Happy October!

7 months of lovins

7 months 

18 lbs. 7 oz.

26 1/4 in.

you are everywhere, crawling and pulling yourself up.  

you have two bottom teeth.

you love to giggle.

you love your daddy-man.

and I'm so in love

with you.

i'm really happy.

The fall air has rejuvenated my soul.  It seems like I have been finally able to slow down and take things in a bit easier.  Or maybe it is because I have been really trying the practice of slowing down and taking it all in.  I found myself in and out of a rut this summer.  Things are so busy and it is so darn hot.  I like being outside and so does Ev, so I feel like we are both in our element with the cooler weather.   She makes me feel alive inside and her eyes seem to hold every wonder I have ever felt and more.  She has become an anchor for me, holding me down in the present moment.  I feel happier, lighter.

So life is good.  That's my update.  

layers

Layers mean fall must be here.  Andrew took Evs out on the farm this evening so I could cook dinner with two hands and half a brain and I piled on the layers to create this epic outfit for her.  

I've been so quiet here on my internet land.  We just came back from two weekends being out of town and I've felt a little like I've been in a whirlwind. Evs is all over the place and taking up the majority of my mental capacity. I'll write down some stories here soon!  xo

half

This baby girl turned six months old yesterday.  It didn't sink in until this morning though, really.  My mom left from visiting this weekend so I'm able to sit in my sadness for a bit while Ev naps.  She's  in her crib that was recently moved down to the lowest setting when we found her standing up late last week.  She's pulling herself up on everything, crawling, she wiggles her way out of your arms when you try to snuggle.  She is no longer my tiny little baby (okay, she was never really tiny, but to me she was).  I think before six months, the 25th of each month came and went but she still seemed like a baby to me.  Five months sounds so much younger than six months.  Her six month birthday also brings a  milestone for me and my body.  I have spent half of a year giving my body over to feed and nurture this tiny being.  I have had so many ups and downs with breastfeeding, healing, and mentally going through this process of motherhood.  I have never been so overwhelmed with the love that you can feel for someone else.  There is a part of my chest that feels like a light goes straight through it and it expands when I see Everly's face.  That's what this love feels like.  I have started to rest on the prayer that I can always see her with this love, even when times are hard in our relationship.  

Everly Ruth, here are a few things I want to remember about you at 6 months old:

-You are starting to crawl to me, up me, and then nuzzle around when you want some milk.  I absolutely love this.  

-You are crawling, pulling yourself up, and doing this all way too fast for me.  But I love to watch you try and figure things out.  I'm gonna have to keep my eye on you.  ;)  

-You had two full body laughs going on this weekend and it was the best thing to hear.  Your laugh makes the world brighten.  

-You are really into watermelon rind.  Not so much avocados.  (me too.)

-You love playing with your ukelele and watching the horses move.  This makes your mama and daddy very happy.   

- Your dark brown hair is falling out and growing back in blonde.  The first thing people notice about you is your amazing hair that is usually going all over the place.  It does make me a little sad that you are losing your brown locks but your hair is an ever evolving masterpiece so I can't wait to see how it grows back in.  

-You snuggle up at night in-between me and your daddy and it is my favorite time of the day.  I will never ever regret sharing our bed with you.  

I could go on and on but those are the things that stick out the most.  Half of a year.  It is unbelievable.  

xoxoxo

Can we take a moment to talk about this?

I totally forgot about this photo shoot.  A dear friend bought this dress for Ev at Dollywood (greatest place on earth) so of course we had to dress her up in it and pretend that she was in a baby pageant.  Except, Ev isn't really a frilly baby.  I'm not sure that any baby is but Ev definitely was giving the "WTF, get this off me" vibe.  

And look at all that hair!   It is falling out and turning blonde now so I will have to savor these precious glamour shots gone wrong with her spiky black hair.  *sigh*

Happy Thursday!